2020 The Year of Zoom

The theme of the Hoagies Gifted Education Page December 2020 Blog Hop is “2020 The Year of _____.” Each blogger filled in whatever word best describes their year. For me, that’s Zoom. In a big way. So big, in fact, that my blogger buddies successfully lured me back into the blogging realm by suggesting I write about Zoom.

During our Thanksgiving service at church this morning, by Zoom, it occurred to me that: (1) I’m surprised I enjoy staying home nearly all the time, and (2) my previous fear of staying home was a fear of being unable to interact with others, and (3)—-and here’s the kicker—-I wouldn’t be half as happy during this 2020 pandemic if it weren’t for Zoom contact with two-dimensional people.

By the middle of March, when the pandemic was in full force in Ohio, I had not yet retired from my job as a domestic relations magistrate in a small Ohio county. When I looked at the scary new world around me, I wanted to retire immediately. But I knew that if I had retired then, I would have been shirking my duty as an officer of the court to keep the courts open and operating despite the pandemic. Retirement then was not an option.

Many courts closed their doors to the general public back in March, and some closed again within the past two weeks for the same reason. The Ohio Supreme Court has continually made it clear to judges and magistrates that despite the pandemic and courthouses doors being closed to the general public, courts have a duty to be available for victims of domestic violence. Courts also need to hear other emergency cases, such as emergency custody actions involving children, and motions for temporary orders that might be needed in a divorce or other type of case. Closing courts 100% is not an option in a civil society.

One of my first pandemic tasks was to help draft a grant proposal for the Ohio Supreme Court’s emergency grant program designed to help courts buy whatever technology they needed to operate remotely. Courts turned in their proposals within days of the program announcement, and grant money was dispersed in record time. Our court purchased laptops and other necessities for operating remotely. More importantly, we purchased a Zoom subscription.

I continued going to work from late March until the end of May even though our courthouse was closed to the public. I felt safe from the pandemic when I sat in my courtroom alone, conducting hearings remotely via Zoom. A few times I worked from home, and conducted Zoom hearings from our guest room. For those occasions, I created a royal blue Zoom background including the great seal of the State of Ohio to hide my cats during the proceedings. Why royal blue? To match my blouse. You can do that with Zoom–not only make yourself pretty, but also make your background pretty.

The hearings I conducted by Zoom were interesting not only on my end, but also on the other ends. I saw all sorts of real backgrounds, including an outdoor shelter house, a playground, kitchens, lawyers’ offices, and even the inside of a tractor-trailer cab during the driver’s work hours. I was glad the driver kept his eyes on the road, but disappointed that the jostling of the truck jiggled his camera to the point where I got slightly dizzy watching the Zoom screen during that hearing. Such is Zoom life with a jiggling camera.

I noticed that Zoom increased the comfort level of those participating in divorce hearings. I figure that’s because during an in-person hearing, you sometimes have people giving each other icy stares and cold shoulders and walking past each other in order to sit down quickly in hopes of avoiding eye contact and all manner of unpleasant behavior from the opposing party. In a Zoom hearing, by contrast, it’s hard to surreptitiously play “not nice” when everyone can see everything you do on camera and hear everything that anyone else can hear.

Also, in a Zoom hearing, you can sit in your favorite chair, and drink your favorite tea or other beverage. You can even slyly check your cell phone for the latest social media updates when you’re bored. That is, unless you’re the magistrate. I had to keep my eyes on the screen at all times, except when I had to jot down notes.

I used Zoom in 2020 for more than court purposes. In addition to the court’s Zoom account, I have passwords for three other Zoom accounts. One is for our church, which put its services, its committee meetings, and even its annual meeting online this year.

I also use Zoom for our League of Women Voters chapter, which did all its committee work by Zoom starting last spring, and even held candidate forums via Zoom this fall with generous assistance from the City of Athens.

As do millions of other people, I have a free personal Zoom account. I’ve used that account for all manner of volunteer work as well as for visiting with friends and relatives in 2020.

One of my most rewarding uses of Zoom has been working efficiently with three other women on the issue of natural burial starting in April 2020. The four of us did all manner of planning, data gathering, and researching via Zoom. We even wrote an article for the Ohio Township Magazine about the legality of natural burial in Ohio, and about our work—-remote of course!—with townships all over Athens County in hopes of convincing them to change their cemetery rules to allow for burials without vaults and without caskets. Fun fact: I didn’t met one of those three women in person until a socially-distanced outdoor meeting in September.

Our natural burial group used Zoom not only for our own meetings, but also when we spoke to online university classes, held a public meeting, and presented at a church service. Recently we’ve joined forces with other groups—-by Zoom of course—-to explore the possibility of starting a conservation burial ground in our area of Ohio. And we’re planning to give a presentation during a public body’s meeting, which meeting will be by Zoom, of course. And we’ll use Zoom to screen share our presentation, of course.

Zoom has allowed my family to meet more than it has before the pandemic. I believe I’ve been more in touch with my sisters and my cousins since the pandemic than I have in years past. My children have called me and my husband more than usual, too, sometimes to subtly remind us that we’re old and thus need to take extra precautions during the pandemic. Nice of them, eh?

Thanks to Zoom and similar technology, some organizations have seen record attendance at their online conferences. The Climate Reality Leadership Corps had 3,300 attendees at their latest training in August 2020. When I attended the same training in October 2017, there were only 1,300 people attending in person. Zoom allows for far greater attendance, at far less cost.

Our Unitarian Universalist Association General Assembly had far greater attendance online this year than ever. For the first time, all sessions were recorded and made available to all Unitarian Universalists, whether or not they attended General Assembly. Nice bonus, right?

At beginning of the pandemic, the Ohio Supreme Court offered weekly webinars for judges and magistrates, geared not so much to teach us, as to help all of us, together, figure out how to reinvent the court system in the age of the pandemic.

Early in that series of weekly webinars one thing became clear. A lot of technology changes induced by the pandemic had been contemplated for years. Folks who advocated unsuccessfully prior to 2020 for changes, such as remote access to court records and video appearances, were amused by how quickly previous naysayers jumped out of the way and let technology surge forward in 2020. This year, more than ever before, the feared future of technology fell upon us, and surprise surprise, we’re ok—we learned the technology, and the technology is working.

Courts no longer need to require people to appear for in-person hearings for things such as divorces, expungements of criminal records, or modifications of child support. At least during the current pandemic, those hearings can be held online, with a reduced carbon footprint, and a reduced loss of work time for litigants and witnesses.  

There’s no question in my mind that 2020 is the Year of Zoom. For the Ohio court system, for religious congregations, for civic organization, for families, for schools, and even for my book club, 2020 clearly has been the year of Zoom. I believe Zoom and its technology siblings are positive forces that will be with us for decades to come.

This blog post was part of the Hoagies’ Gifted Education Page December 2020 Blog Hop. Please visit my fellow bloggers. Complete list is here: www.HoagiesGifted.org/blog_hop_2020_year_of.htm

My Mom Taught Me To Tattle: Speaking Up in the 1960s and Today

“Tattle” – to report another’s wrongdoing

Mom and the 1960s

When I was 13 years old, back in the 1960s, my mom took me with her to rent an apartment. 

We already had a house. We didn’t need another place to live. She told me to pretend we did. 

Our white bodies met the apartment manager. He showed us the apartment. As Mom instructed me earlier, I mentioned a non-existent 15yo brother, saying how he would love a certain bedroom. 

Then Mom rented the apartment. She wrote a check for the deposit and the first month’s rent, and she pocketed a receipt and rental agreement.

As soon as we left, Mom burst into tears. Why? Because earlier that day a Black family of the same configuration—single mother, 13 year old girl, and 15 year old boy–were told there were no apartments available in that building.

Tattling

Mom tattled on the apartment manager. Mom’s testimony, her cancelled check, and that receipt got the apartment manager and the apartment owners in trouble.

Mom taught me to tattle if any kids in our purposely integrated neighborhood used a derogatory racial slur on the playground. For information about our special neighborhood, see this 2004 NPR story about an ABC documentary.

Mom taught me to tattle whenever I saw people attack other people on the street.

Mom taught me to tattle whenever I saw a theft in progress.

Mom taught me to tattle whenever I suspected child abuse.

Mask-Wearing & The Pandemic

What would Mom tell me today, in the middle of a pandemic, when stores are having great difficulty getting employees to obey state health department mask-wearing orders?

You guessed it…Mom would tell me to report the wrongdoing. Just as she taught me to report civil rights violations and crimes, she would want me to report failures to follow public health orders.

Given the lessons Mom taught me in childhood, I was surprised when after announcing my intention to report public health violations, and urging other women to do the same, I received a social media earful about the evils of telling on others. Some told me that it’s even worse to collect proof of violations, e.g. photographs.

Irony

I am pleasantly amused by the irony that resulted from the controversy. Some women who despised my plan did exactly what I hoped, which is to warn everyone that people are going to start taking photographs. I suspect those warnings, which echoed through local social media, will by themselves improve mask-wearing compliance more than any other strategy.

And there’s the irony of people saying how bad it is to report others to their employers, while at the same time blaming generations of police for not telling on their racist and violent colleagues.

And the irony of people caring deeply for employees who disregard public health orders, but seemingly not caring for health-compromised shoppers, or for elderly employees who need to keep working side by side with coworkers who disregard the health orders.

And the irony of people wanting police to wear body cameras, but not wanting a store manager to look at photographs provided by shoppers or the store’s own security footage to find evidence of health department violations among employees.

Critical Caveats

If Mom had lived into the 21st Century, she would have changed her terminology from “tattling” to “speaking up” or “speaking out.” She also would have added some critically important caveats to her lessons.

First, it’s critically important NOT to call police to report things that aren’t wrongdoings. Too many people have called the police after seeing the color of a person’s skin and assuming that the person is a threat. That kind of racist reporting needs to stop, and should have stopped long, long ago.

Simply put: When there’s no wrongdoing, don’t report.

Also, it’s critically important to be aware that there are alternatives to calling the police about wrongdoing, and those alternatives are critically important in some communities.

For instance, just yesterday a Black minister friend of mine, Rev. Jé Exodus Hooper, chose to peacefully intervene in a domestic violence situation involving a Black couple in a large American city, rather than calling the white dominated police force in that city.

It’s also critically important to recognize that individual misbehavior often results from larger systemic problems.

For example, store managers might be failing to provide adequate training and information to employees about mask-wearing. State health departments may not have sufficiently fine-tuned their mask-wearing orders to account for situations involving high temperatures, long hours, or other factors. Management should be held accountable for management failures. State health departments should be held responsible for making their mask-wearing orders sensible and enforceable. Accountability should happen at multiple levels.

Lastly, it’s important to remember that we are in the middle of a pandemic. Now more than ever we must take care of ourselves and our communities, we must keep our hearts open to learning from others, and we must stay true to our deepest values. We must also be aware that this pandemic is affecting communities of color more severely than it is affecting other communities.

Conclusion

Let’s not stay silent in the face of wrongdoing. Staying silent is not an option when lives are at risk, whether they be lives at risk due wrongdoing by people or by systems in our society, or lives at risk due to the current pandemic.

Let’s continue to explore the best ways to speak up, the best ways to solve systemic problems in our communities, and the best ways to teach our children the importance of not staying silent.

“My silences had not protected me. Your silence will not protect you. But for every real word spoken, for every attempt I had ever made to speak those truths for which I am still seeking, I had made contact with other women while we examined the words to fit a world in which we all believed, bridging our differences.”

Audre Lorde (1934-1992)
from her essay The Transformation of Silence into Language and Action
 in her book Sister Outsider.

Thank you to all who gave me feedback on the mask-wearing issue and on drafts of the article. In the spirit of Audre Lorde, you helped me better fit my words into a world in which we all believe, bridging our differences.

SAT and ACT Preparation Hints by Wenda

A Poignant Letter From Two Parents: For Today, International Transgender Day of Visibility

Today, on International Transgender Day of Visibility, I present a poignant letter that two friends of mine emailed me and others earlier this week. I am honored that my friends gave me permission to post their brilliance here for the world to see.

Dear Friends,

We are sending this letter to share some news with people who know our family. We love you and count on your love, intelligence, and open-mindedness.

The news is that our child John is a transgender girl. [All names have been changed to protect the privacy of the family.]

Life is a wonderful journey which sometimes takes an unexpected turn, but everything eventually works out for the best, and we find ourselves exactly where we are supposed to be. Everybody has his/her/their own path. Going through the process of learning, understanding, and embracing this new reality has made our family stronger and brought us much closer together. We want you to know that we are happy! Happy for our daughter, who is now in tune with her true self and feels more confident and happy. Happy for the boundless love that we share. We fully support our brave and beautiful child and we hope that you will too.

She has chosen the name Janet. Please kindly use that name and feminine pronouns (she, her) when addressing her or talking about her. You will likely slip occasionally – we know, we did, and still sometimes do. It’s okay. We now use the name Janet and speak of her as a girl even when we talk about her childhood. She has always been a girl, but we just didn’t realize it.

This is not a family tragedy, which may be the first reaction for some people, and there is absolutely no shame in being transgender. It really helped that we held socially liberal views before and didn’t need to break out of a mental prison of prejudice to find acceptance. We are concerned, of course, that not everyone may be as open-minded and that could make our daughter’s life more complicated. As any normal parents, we will do our best to protect her, although she is an adult and is strong to stand up for herself. We hope that everyone will understand that this is not an illness and not a lifestyle choice. What’s happening is a positive change that will improve our daughter’s quality of life. We are glad that she has found her true gender identity. This revelation is a blessing, not a curse. We are certain of that.

Transgender individuals don’t want to be defined only by their gender identity, just like all of us. This year, we’ve made friends with some wonderful, kind, caring people in the LGBTQ community and were touched by their personal stories. Our child is unique in many ways and this is one of her many traits, alongside her brilliant intelligence, her curiosity, her kindness and compassion, and her somewhat dark sense of humor. Living her life as a girl won’t change any of that.

We don’t expect or demand any special privileges or bonuses for Janet. Now that she knows who she is, it should be easier for her to chart her life course and achieve what she sets to achieve. She likes her privacy, so please respect that. We are sending this letter to prevent gossip and misunderstanding. It’s a one-time announcement to keep people who know us aware of the change and to increase awareness and understanding of the subject.

If you need to absorb our news and learn more, then please take your time. When you are ready, please let us know how you feel, send an email (even a short one), call us if you like, say a few encouraging words to Janet next time you see her. We cherish your friendship. We know that you may have questions and may be hesitating what is okay or not okay to ask, what is the proper etiquette, and how to be supportive. Some people may feel uncomfortable at first, but find acceptance over time. Please don’t worry! We’ll help with information and answer your questions.

Recognizing that this topic may be new or somewhat confusing for many people, let us provide basic facts that we have recently learned ourselves, with hopes that it may be useful.

Nature in its amazing complexity creates people with a great variety of physical traits. We come in different shapes and sizes, colors, genders and we celebrate our uniqueness in this world. Gender identity is one of many dimensions by which we differ. Most people are comfortable with belonging to their birth gender, while some feel strongly that they need to be the opposite gender, or both genders, or no gender, or that their gender varies over time. Transgender people feel that their true gender identity is different from the one assigned to them at birth and experience gender dysphoria – a distress caused by the societal pressure to live as a gender that feels wrong to them. Some of them recognize these feelings in childhood, while some don’t recognize or don’t admit them until they become adults. Scientists can’t currently explain why this happens, but there is a strong scientific and medical consensus that it’s not a result of parental or societal influence, not an illusion, not a choice that someone makes, and it’s not a physical or mental illness. Our gender identity is somehow programmed before birth and can’t be unlearned or reprogrammed.

The problem is not being transgender, but trying to deny it to yourself or hiding it from other people, because it takes a high psychological toll. The only solution that has been consistently demonstrated to work is accepting and embracing one’s true gender identity and transitioning to it. There isn’t one standard way to transition. Most transgender people change their clothes and appearance to look more like their affirmed gender. Some use hormonal treatments and some use gender confirmation surgeries, both of which have become very safe and effective in recent years. It’s incorrect to make assumptions that everyone follows the same path and it’s generally inappropriate to ask specific questions about that, just like it’s impolite to ask your co-workers or neighbors if they are circumcised or what medications they use.

Another problem is societal prejudice and stigmatization of transgender individuals. We believe that this problem can be fixed by providing correct information, because most people are not evil, mean, or cold-hearted, but may be uninformed. Not so long ago left-handed people were punished for using their dominant hand. Not so long ago racism defined who could sit on which bench or go to which college or – worse – who deserved to live or die. But our society is evolving rapidly and becoming better educated and accepting of individual uniqueness and diversity. So, we are very optimistic that reason and common sense will prevail! Just like the rights of gay people have advanced over the last decade and the level of homophobia has declined, we expect that the same will happen with the rights and treatment of transgender people in the coming years. Significant progress has already been made in medical care and acceptance. We are glad that schools now teach students about many aspects of the human sexuality and its nonbinary nature, because it helps to reduce ignorance, discrimination, and unfair stigmatization.

By recent estimates, 0.6% of the adult population self-identifies as transgender. That’s 1.4 million people just in the United States. You likely know some of them, maybe without even realizing that they are transgender.

Terminology:

• Janet calls herself transgender, so please use that term if you must use any term at all. But you probably shouldn’t use it most of the time. Janet is a young woman and it’s not necessary to always prefix it with “transgender” when mentioning her. Although it’s not a taboo to mention it either, just use your best judgement on when and where.
• Transphobia is an irrational fear and hatred of transgender individuals, just as repugnant and harmful as racism, homophobia, or anti-Semitism.
• The opposite of transgender is cisgender.
• Please avoid using words “real” and “normal” when referring to cisgender, because it implies that transgender is somehow not We assure you that Janet is not imaginary. To prove it, we have hugged her and she still feels very real, even if a bit too thin. J

Sexual orientation. This is widely misunderstood. Gender identity doesn’t define sexual orientation. Transgender people may be straight, gay, lesbian, or bisexual, just like cisgender people. Gender identity is who you are (e.g. cisgender, transgender, gender-fluid, agender), while sexual attraction is who you love (e.g. straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual). One doesn’t define the other and vice versa. When interacting with any person, it’s generally best not to assume their sexual orientation.

Being a stigmatized minority, transgender people are at a high risk of discrimination and hatred. Those who are treated with the same respect and dignity as cisgender people generally live happy lives. Those who are not accepted by their close relatives and social or professional circle often become depressed and even suicidal. It’s not because they are transgender, but because they are not accepted by parents and friends, forcing them to social isolation, homelessness, and poverty. Any person ostracized by the society would become depressed regardless of their gender identity. If we all become more supportive and accepting, it may literally save lives.

Please remember that transgender is not a disease, not a result of parenting or someone’s influence, not a mental disorder, and not a lifestyle choice. Some people are born that way. And if Nature or God (depending on what you believe in) created them that way, then they deserve the same respect and support as all other people.

Thank you for your love and kindness!

Alice and Michael

P.S. Please check the following links for more information or search for other recently updated non-political reputable sources online.

• Frequently asked questions: http://www.glaad.org/transgender/transfaq
• How to be an ally: http://www.glaad.org/transgender/allies
• American Psychological Association: http://www.apa.org/topics/lgbt/transgender.pdf
• National Geographic’s video episode Gender Revolution (1.5 hours-long): http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/gender-revolution-a-journey-with-katie-couric/videos/gender-revolution-a-journey-with-katie-couric/

New Report on the Emotional and Mental Health Issues of Children

I am proud to announce the January 15, 2016, release of a major report by Potential Plus UK (the operating name of the UK’s The National Association for Gifted Children) about the emotional and mental health issues of high learning potential children in the UK. The report includes the same high quality work that I greatly appreciated during my years (2010-2014) serving as a trustee of that organization while I was living in England.

From the press release about the report:

“The report, ‘Too Much, Too Soon’ is based on a survey of 338 children and parents between 2010 and 2015. It found that the number of high learning potential children with emotional and mental health issues is on the increase. In particular:

 In 2010, 7% of these children were extremely concerned about things that in the past hadn’t concerned them. By 2015, that figure had risen to 30%.
 In 2010, 28% of children had experienced no fun at all during the previous week playing with other children. By 2015, that figure had risen to 40%.
 In 2010, 10% of children felt they were lonely a lot. By 2015, that percentage had doubled to 20% of high learning potential children.
 The youngest child reporting emotional health issues was four years old.
 58% of children recognised that ‘people seem to accept lower expectations of me than I do of myself’ and 27% said they felt strongly or extremely strongly that ‘If I fail at school I am a failure as a person.’”

The 38 pages of the report include nine key recommendations, many of which are relevant to education systems and families in the USA and in other countries. I highly recommend the report, and hope the research leading to the report will be replicated in the USA. Please let me know if you are a researcher interested in replication.

Many thanks to Denise Yates, Rebecca Howell, the Potential Plus UK Trustees, and others who made this report possible.

Note: I created the graphic above and posted my remarks here mainly for purposes of social media sharing. Please share the report further in whatever manner you find best for your audience.

How to Strip Your Holidays Naked

To help you survive the holidays, here’s a new version of my original Naked Holidays post. I wish you the best as you make choices about how far you wish to strip your holidays naked in order to survive the holiday season.

1. Choose Your Holiday Purpose

As I write this post, cyberspace is filled with shopping deals and with news of the United Nation’s Climate Change Summit in Paris. Talk about mixed messages! Are we supposed to shop till we drop, or are we supposed to reduce our carbon footprint?

To answer that question, I recommend we each choose a purpose for our holidays. Your holiday purpose can include as much or as little of shopping and environmentalism as you wish. You can delve as deep or as shallow as you wish into the reason for the season. Religion? Family? Food? Decorations?  You choose.

2. Choose Your Gift Giving

If you choose to include gifts as part of your holiday, please choose those gifts wisely. Here I’m not just talking about the environmental impacts of the manufacture, shipment, and disposal of things. I’m helping you make sure you won’t regret any credit card bills and storage locker fees that might follow a mountain of gift-giving. For low stress at holiday time and year round, too, make wise gift choices, ok?

3. Choose Your Visitors

To survive the holidays, choose your visitors and visits carefully. But please, as a special favor to me, include grandparents in your holidays. I speak both as a grandmother and as person who misses her own dearly departed parents and grandparents. I also speak as a person who believes that family togetherness is a core purpose of holidays. Whatever you do, though, remember that you have the power to make your own visitor and visit choices from among your family and friends. Here’s a comic I created to help you with your choices:

4. Choose Your Decorations 

If you have children, they might insist on holiday decorations. You, on the other hand, might remember the work involved in decorating and later taking down decorations. You have a choice to make here. You can decorate, or you can ban decorations, or, surprise: you can allow your children to do all the decorating. If you don’t trust your children to take down the decorations in a timely and tidy manner after the holidays, I suggest you require a decoration deposit.

5. Choose Your Food

I’m guessing you don’t want to gain weight or live with sugared-up children bouncing off the walls this holiday season. Right? If so, you have choices to make. And those choices start with your grocery list. Here’s the thing: If you don’t bring sugary treats into your home, you and your children won’t eat them.

Instead of splurging on holiday treats, how about splurging on those nutritious items that cost more than you’re usually willing to pay? Go ahead, buy the ingredients for the salad of your dreams, or the fruit arrangement of your wildest imagination. I promise your kids will survive. Who knows, they might even enjoy your nutritious grocery store splurges!

6. Choose Your Events

You have the choice to decline holiday invitations. Invitations are choices, not commands. You don’t need to attend zillions of holiday events. Except, of course, if the events include your children. Then sorry, you’re stuck. There’s simply no escaping school holiday concerts and piano recitals involving your kids, except, maybe via earplugs.

Conclusion

Let’s all aspire to serenity-filled, relaxing holidays. We have the power to choose how much to strip our holidays naked, down to their relaxing cores. I leave you with this holiday prayer:

Acknowledgements and Credits

I created the comics via the Comic-O-Matic website of Nina Paley and Margo Burns. (Thanks!)

This blog article is part of the Hoagies’ Gifted Education Page December 2015 Blog Hop on Surviving the Holidays. I thank my friends at Hoagies’ Gifted Education Page and elsewhere for their inspiration, support, and suggestions.

Please click on the graphic below (created by Pamela S Ryan–thanks!) to see to the titles, blog names, and links of other Hoagies’ Blog Hop participants.